The Ant and the Grasshopper (2010 version)

OLD  VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away…

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

   The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

 MORAL OF THE STORY: 

Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION

The  ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast…

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green .’

Acorn stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, ‘We shall overcome.’

Rev. Jeremiah Wright then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood…

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.
           

MORAL  OF THE STORY:

            Be careful how you vote.

Tax Refund Explanation

If You Don’t Understand the Democrats’ Version of Tax Refunds, Maybe This Will Explain It;

Five thousand people go to a baseball game, but the game was rained out, therefore a  refund was then due.
The team was about to mail refunds when a group of congressional Democrats stopped them and suggested that they send out the ticket refunds based on the Democrat National Committee’s interpretation of fairness.
Originally the refunds were to be paid based on the price each person had paid for the tickets.  Unfortunately that meant most of the refund money would be going to the ticket holders that had purchased the most expensive tickets.
A decision was then made to pay out the refunds in this manner:

 

  • People in the $10 seats will get back $15.  After all, they have less money to spend on tickets to begin with.  Call it an “Earned Income Ticket Credit.”  Persons “earn” it by having few skills, poor work habits, and low ambition, thus keeping them at entry-level wages.
  • People in the $25 seats will get back $25, because it “seems fair.”
  • People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don’t need a refund.  After all, if they can afford a $50 ticket, they must not be paying enough taxes.
  • People in the $75 luxury box seats will each have to pay an additional $25 because it’s the “right thing to do.”
  • People walking past the stadium that couldn’t afford to buy a ticket for the game each will get a $10 refund, even though they didn’t pay anything for the tickets.  They need the most help.
  • Now do you understand?

    Good vs. Right

    I just tripped upon a blog (yet again) that’s pretty neat.   I love this quote from “Mrs. Right’s Blog” that I think everyone in America should hear.  My hubby would be so proud of my blog find.

    She wrote:

    There are always “good” things to spend money on, if it is available. The problem occurs when money is just not available. It is very “good” for me to give money to a local charity, but if I have to then put groceries on a credit card to feed my family, I am being very foolish. It is very “good” for me to give my children piano or ballet lessons, but if I cannot pay my electric bill, I have made a foolish decision. The same should hold true for our tax dollars. It is very “good” to send aid to ailing countries, but if we are putting the aid the government “credit card”, then we are being very foolish.

    Isn’t that well written?  I love it and it makes perfect sense to me.  How come everyone doesn’t understand this principle?  I also think everyone in America should watch the movie Akeelah and the Bee.  I love that movie and think there’s a powerful lesson to learn.  Hmm, what else I wish everyone in America would do???  Read Animal Farm, signal before changing lanes, stop littering, and get informed about the issues!  Whoah Nellie!  This is not going political.  I just wish people would look more into candidates and HOW these people plan to accomplish everything they promise.  That being said I have to go research the candidates who want to be my Mayor.  Hubby says it’s my turn to do the research since he overdid himself during the presidential election last year.  Oh, and anyone who votes straight party baffles me.  What’s the point in voting if you don’t even know a thing about the person except the party lines?   Those little letters next to the name don’t really tell you that much about the person.  So please, do a little online research people!  Do you want to come to a potluck and politics so we can help you come to a decision? Baby steps people.  Baby steps!

    Of Dinner and Taxes

    Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

    The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
    The fifth would pay $1.
    The sixth would pay $3.
    The seventh would pay $7.
    The eighth would pay $12.
    The ninth would pay $18.
    The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
    So, that’s what they decided to do.

    The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day the owner threw them a curve.

    “Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20.” Dinner for the ten now cost just $80.

    The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free.

    But what about the other six men – the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

    They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to eat their meal. So, the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

    And so:

    The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
    The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
    The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
    The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
    The ninth now pa id $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
    The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

    Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to eat for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

    “I only got a dollar out of the $20,” declared the sixth man.
    He pointed to the tenth man,” but he got $10!”
    “Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than me!”
    “That’s true!!” shouted the seventh man.
    “Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!”
    “Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison. “We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!”

    The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

    And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction.

    Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.

    In fact, they might start eating overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

    David R. Kamerschen, Ph..D
    Professor of Economics
    University of Georgia

     

    (I stole this from my hubby’s blog.  I hope he doesn’t mind!)

    T’was the Night Before Elections

    T’ was the night before elections
    And all through the town
    Tempers were flaring
    Emotions all up and down!

    I, in my bathrobe
    With a cat in my lap
    Had cut off the TV
    Tired of political crap.

    When all of a sudden
    There arose such a noise
    I peered out of my window
    Saw Obama and his boys
    They had come for my wallet
    They wanted my pay
    To give to the others
    Who had not worked a day!
    He snatched up my money
    And quick as a wink
    Jumped back on his bandwagon
    As I gagged from the stink
    He then rallied his henchmen
    Who were pulling his cart
    I could tell they were out
    To tear my country apart!

    “On Fannie, on Freddie,
    On Biden and Ayers!
    On ACORN , On Pelosi”
    He screamed at the pairs!

    They took off for his cause
    And as he flew out of sight
    I heard him laugh at the nation
    Who wouldn’t stand up and fight!

    So I leave you to think
    ‘ bout this one final note —
    IF YOU DONT WANT OBAMA-SOCIALISM
    GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!

    Funny Newspaper Interview

    Time for a moment of levity during this horrible election we have facing us.

    Kirby: OK, now for the REAL debate!
    I apologize for not getting this presidential debate out sooner. I hosted it last week in my garage. However, I promised that it would not be released until the other debates were done.
    All four candidates participated in my debate: Barack Obama and John McCain, along with their running mates Joe Biden and Sarah Palin.
    In the interest of credibility, I kept the media out. Other than the candidates and me, the only other person present was Larry Erdmann, my sound man and electrician.
    Unlike the national “dog and pony show” debates, I asked the candidates real questions, things regular Americans want to know about foreign policy, the economy, military force and the environment. I edited nothing.
    Following a brief welcome and some cookies my wife made, we got started.
    Me: Religion has played a large role in this race. Have any of you have ever taken lessons from Mormon missionaries?
    Sen. McCain: “Nope.”
    Gov. Palin: “There are Mormons in Russia, which is really, really close to Alaska.”
    Sen. Obama: “I am still not a Muslim.”
    Sen. Biden: “Over my dead body.”
    Larry: “Boy, are you in for a surprise.”
    Me: “OK, on the subject of military force, when was the last time either of you punched someone in the head?”
    Sen. Biden: “Well, Bob, that would be an assault, which is technically a crime, and therefore punishable by law. But, as you know, I am Irish, and if it were necessÐ.”
    Gov. Palin: “Couple seconds ago.”
    Me: “Next is foreign policy. If America had to bomb another country right now which would you choose?”
    Sen. Obama: “I am not going to answer that question. It’s ridiculous. We don’t HAVE to bomb anyone.”
    Sen. McCain: “Hanoi.”
    Me: “Aren’t we trying to improve relations with Vietnam?”
    Sen. McCain: “Bakersfield.”
    Me: “The economy is in terrible shape. How do you propose to fix it?”
    Sen. Biden: “Under the Democrat plan, every American would get a MasterCard with a $100,000 limit that they wouldn’t have to pay off.”
    Gov. Palin: “I would work very hard to revitalize the salmon fisheries across the entire Midwest.”
    Me: “We have to wrap this up. Abortion: yes or no?”
    Gov. Palin: “Absolutely not, Robert. Not even for men.”
    Sen. Biden: “While I wouldn’t personally have one, I think it’s a personal decision.”
    Larry: “Are there more cookies?”
    With Election Day just two weeks away, I hope this debate helps you choose the right candidate. Just remember to vote. It couldn’t possibly hurt.
    rkirby@sltrib.com

    The Obama Experiment

    Obama Experiment
    Given the opportunity I may try this…

    Today on my way to lunch with my I passed a homeless guy with a sign that read “Vote Obama, I need the money.”… I laughed.

    Once in the restaurant my server had on a “Obama 08” button. Once again I laughed as he had given away his political preference… just imagine the coincidence.

    When the bill came I paid cash but decided not to tip the server and explained to him that I was exploring the Obama redistribution of wealth concept. He stood there in disbelief while I told him that I was going to redistribute his tip to someone who I deemed more in need (the homeless guy outside). The server angrily stormed from my sight.

    I went outside, gave the homeless guy $10 and told him to thank the server inside as I decided he (the homeless guy) could use the money more than him (the server). The homeless guy was happy… and I felt like a successful politician.

    At the end of my rather unscientific redistribution experiment I realized the homeless guy was grateful for the money he did not earn, but the waiter was pretty angry that I gave away the money he did earn even though the recipient clearly needed money more than him.

    I guess redistribution of wealth is easier to swallow in concept than in practical application.

    My Candidate/ Your Candidate

    A refreshing reminder this political season… by Eric Snider

    Your candidate lacks experience.
    My candidate is refreshingly free from the stain of politics.

    Your candidate has been part of the Washington system for too long.
    My candidate is blessed by years of political know-how.

    Your candidate is a reckless loose cannon.
    My candidate is a maverick.

    Your candidate is exotic and strange.
    My candidate represents America’s melting pot.

    Your candidate is a flip-flopper.
    My candidate adjusts his views as new facts come to light.

    Your candidate is cranky and stubborn.
    My candidate is tenacious.

    Your candidate makes brash, controversial remarks.
    My candidate speaks his mind, no matter what.

    Your candidate has a checkered past.
    My candidate has a colorful past.

    Your candidate has served time in prison.
    My candidate has an intricate knowledge of our country’s legal system.

    Your candidate sold government secrets to Russian spies.
    My candidate is a savvy capitalist with international business experience.

    Your candidate once killed a Mexican day-laborer and dumped his body in a river.
    My candidate takes a tough stance on immigration.

    Your candidate is addicted to painkillers.
    My candidate takes a pro-active approach when dealing with difficult situations.

    Your candidate is a promiscuous bisexual.
    My candidate supports gender equality.

    Your candidate was seen drinking the blood of a freshly slain goat in unholy tribute to the dark lord Beelzebub at a gathering of Satanists.
    My candidate is an active participant in his religious congregation.

    Your candidate released a sex tape on the Internet.
    My candidate has nothing to hide from the American people.

    Your candidate commandeered a Civil War reenactment and fired a cannon into a crowd of people, killing three.
    My candidate vigorously defends his right to bear arms.

    Your candidate is a pedophile.
    My candidate loves children.

    Your candidate burglarized a nursing home.
    My candidate treasures the things that our senior citizens have to offer.

    Your candidate recruited teenagers to work in his meth lab.
    My candidate believes in teaching science to young people.

    Your candidate visits prostitutes.
    My candidate supports small-business owners.

    Your candidate is a wealthy elitist who doesn’t trust common Americans to make good decisions.
    My candidate shares the views of the Founding Fathers.

    Hillary stumped by school kids

    I received this cute email from a former college roomie. It was quite “hillary”ous. Ha ha.

    Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the
    world. After her talk she offers a question time.

    One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.

    “Kenneth.”

    “And what is your question, Kenneth?”

    “I have three questions: First – whatever happened to the medical health
    care plan you were paid to develop during your husband’s eight years in
    the office as President? Second – why would you run for President after
    your husband shamed the office? Third – whatever happened to all those
    things you took when you left the White House?”

    Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids
    that they will continue after recess.

    When they resume, Hillary says, “Okay, where were we? Oh, that’s right,
    question time. Who has a question?”

    A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary points him out and asks
    him what his name is.

    “Larry.”

    “And what is your question, Larry?”

    “I have five questions: First – whatever happened to the medical health
    care plan you were paid to develop during your husband’s eight years in
    the office as President? Second – why would you run for President after
    your husband shamed the office? Third – whatever happened to all those
    things you took when you left the White House? Fourth – why did the
    recess bell go off 20 minutes early? Fifth – what happened to Kenneth?”